The Pitiful Senescence of the Senate

Caligula joked about appointing his horse to the Roman Senate. Such a gesture would be altogether proper and fitting for the U.S. Senate.

According to the historian Suetonius, Caligula once joked about appointing his horse Incitatus as Consul, thereby giving him oversight of the Roman Senate. When I first read this account, I interpreted it as evidence to support to the conventional view that Caligula lost his mind after suffering from a severe illness.

After watching yesterday’s appalling spectacle of HHS Secretary Kennedy being grilled by the same old senescent gang of Senators who never fatigue of grandstanding and bloviating for their pharmaceutical industry paymasters, I now understand Caligula’s sentiment. Indeed, I’m beginning to wonder if Suetonius was merely a Senate propagandist who unfairly maligned Caligula.

However, Incitatus — whose name means “Swift” or “In Full Gallop” in Latin—was apparently an exceptionally fine horse. If I were ever to gain full imperium in Washington, I would replace the whole sorry lot of them with donkeys.